What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a method of misdirection by denying facts and attempting to make the other person question their sanity.

THE ART OF MISDIRECTION

Gaslighting is a means of controlling another individual. Gaslighting is a way of creating mental confusion in another person by making them doubt the sanity or the reality of the things they are perceiving. If you bring up a concern or something that happens to trigger the other person, the gaslighter may attempt to deflect, pass the blame, flip the script back onto you, or attack you so much that you give up your line of questioning altogether.

The goal of gaslighting is to cover up, lie, or to prevent you from asking them questions that they don't want to answer. Rather than answering the question or responding to your concerns, they will misdirect and attack you until you relent.

Gaslighting is a means of dominance, power, and control, and it comes from a belief that it is okay to do this because of the power that the individual doing the gaslighting believes they have or want to have over you. This is tied with a deep insecurity and a belief that they need to keep some type of hook on you to keep you around and under their thumb.

It also comes from an inability of the person doing the gaslighting to come to a place of honesty and truthfulness with themselves and others. And so rather than doing the harder thing, which is answering a tough question or responding thoughtfully to an issue, they will deflect from blame and accountability by blaming you, saying you were the initial cause of their behavior, blatantly denying the incident altogether (even if it is obvious or able to be proven), or as a final straw to get you to stop your line of inquiry, outright calling you insane or launching deep and hurtful personal attacks.

These extreme lashings are almost always followed by intensely sweet and loving behavior, which can be profoundly confusing to the one on the receiving end of this.

Oftentimes, the attacks or reversals become so overwhelming that person on the receiving end of this just gives up. And over time, the person on the receiving end may lose confidence, become defeated, completely questioning their perception, judgement, and sanity. This is intentional.

Gaslighting is an aggressive behavior and is a form of verbal abuse. If someone gaslights you over a long period of time, the intention is to weaken you mentally so you no longer trust yourself and your intuition and are now dependent upon the other person.

COMMON GASLIGHTING TECHNIQUES

"You're being too sensitive." | "You're overreacting."

"That didn't happen." | "I didn't say that."

"You're crazy." | "You need help."

"Stop imagining things."

"This is actually your fault, when you think about it."

"If you had just {blank} this never would have happened."

"You always do this."

"What is wrong with you?!"

"Why can't you just let it go?" | "Just be quiet for once."

"You are being disrespectful."

"Apologize? You need to apologize to me." (even if they can't articulate what you did)

"Now I see why {insert hurtful statement here}."

Gaslighting is an aggressive, highly abusive behavior and is a form of manipulation. Usually, people do this as a means of control because they want the ability to lie to you and keep you in a state of confusion, while keeping you in a weakened mental state so you are dependent upon them.